Despise subconscious needs behind
Life, full of dislike and despise. In relationships, they do not find it too will return the message, do not wash the dishes, play phone, cook slow, less money, no sense of responsibility …… in fact, understand the dislike how it happened, you know how to deal with the. Simply find it too behind to deal with mind, you can anger, humble, injuries, complaints, corrections, however, external changes to improve the self and relationships, and did not make much sense.
You need to know what is behind despise yes. We dislike, hate, dislike, accusing a person, in essence, it is a reason: why you can not see me. When you play despise your phone, it actually despises Why do you ignore me. I want you to take the initiative to talk to me, care about me.
When you do not hold anything against the dishes, actually I do not know why you 上海全区外卖工作室 find it too hard.
Want you to understand, I understand.
When you despise love to complain, in fact, the heart of the idea is: Why do you immerse yourself in your anger, the disregard me.
So, you are waiting for a response.
In the relationship, we need to be responded. The way to respond to is this: you have to take the initiative to see my grievances, hard, if you ignore me these emotions, still immersed in their own world, I will be very angry.
Feel your concerns, respond to, I use mind, could not understand, "as" a way to make you uncomfortable, make you feel my presence. British psychoanalyst Bion called it "β elements", meaning intolerable emotions.
Bion put people’s emotions are divided into two types: tolerable (α elements), can not endure 上海学生品茶群 (β elements).
Can tolerate emotions, we can sort of thinking, expressed in words, with consciousness repressed. We own There are many ways to deal with it. Can not stand the mood, will only make us feel uncomfortable, wanted to pass on Ta, let another person to feel. Conversion emotional hope to use "as" a way to pass β element to another person, we want him to back digested into α elements, become comfortable feeling, and then return to us. A person often critical, control, mind, adopt it, in fact, not to hurt each other, the moment of Ta motivation is the desire to give each other a proactive response, understanding and caring.
A virtuous, capable of discerning visitors talking about her husband, her husband often blame slow cooking, taste heavy, the floor is not clean.
We help her explore: 上海外滩419娱乐会所 you are so immersed in housework is not too ignore him? Just think, he really care to eat late, do not clean the floor? Or really care about me so hard, why do not you know? A person feel too neglected, he was not any way to say it, can not even realize that, then wanted to find something under the mind, to arouse your attention.
If you dislike someone, you can try their own elements into α β elements: to perceive.
To think about why you want to hold anything against him.
What are you really looking forward to that? You really want him to correct it? If he is correct, and what you satisfaction? Or do you expect him an attitude, a response? Despise only a representation, but you need an ulterior motive objects only. Your innermost feeling what is? To feel when you want to hold anything against someone, your inner loneliness, lost, frustrated, lonely, hard, helpless. Anger just cover up other emotions you can not describe it.
If you despise others, resistance, avoidance, corrections may be your commonly used method.
The method of psychological point of view: you can try to Ta element of β into α elements.
1. Ta help identify. Help Ta Ta speechless to say the words to help express Ta Ta is not clear feeling.
2. give comfort. To appease some of Ta, Ta let calm down.
Then you with positive feedback, Ta will experience your love, so now you are more intimate.
At this time, you find it too became a resource of love.
Things happen, there are two levels. Factual level: When you despise or dislike, you can do on a practical level many entangled, discussion, dispute, you can find a bunch of criteria to reach a consensus.
Most people are on the factual level, to deal with in the fall.
Subconscious level: When you despise or dislike, you can go to think about what the subconscious force behind this is what needs are.
In fact, at this time no one about it, it is just the subconscious power of expression exports. In response to the fact that level, are endless. The matter was resolved, the next similar thing will happen the same.
So, read on to learn what happens at a subconscious level.
In the subconscious level to deal with, it will make you a pass Belden, do more with less. (The author counselors).